The (guided) physical therapy certainly didn’t last long, did it? Seems like I get a “first…” post and then it pitters off like it never existed. It’s like posting about it jinxes it. Jody called me on Friday to let me know that apparently policies had changed and she wouldn’t be able to handle my training any more. She said that she’s still open to talking with me about nutrition, though. She is someone who has recovered from disordered eating, so I think she has an interest in my patterns and potentially helping me with that too.
Lately, I’ve been feeling really off. During lunch last week, my work-friend asked how I was doing, and I said that I just didn’t feel like myself–and that was enough to make my eyes well up with tears. So then I’m apologizing and scrubbing at my face, and explaining I didn’t know where the emotion came from, and her eyes are welling up and she’s panicking “don’t cry! You’ll make me cry!”
So I talked to her a little about some of the things that have been stressing me out, and even though it was mighty embarrassing, I’m glad I did, because her reply was priceless.
Never apologize for the feelings that you have.
That was really helpful, and it prompted me to post on my weightloss group to see if anyone had any experience with disordered eating/coping. One of the girls, Christy, said this:
I think it’s really important to dig in and really confront your emotions with a compassionate heart and allow yourself to feel them completely, and know that it’s okay. It’s amazing how therapeutic it can be to have a loud, messy sob fest! The key is just allowing yourself, completely free of judgement, to feel everything. Even if part of you is saying you shouldn’t feel what you’re feeling, just tell that part to shut up because whatever you feel is legitimate. It doesn’t mean you have to let that feeling dictate your actions, but you need to let yourself feel it. Are you jealous? Pissed off? Lonely? Scared? Doubting? Self-pitiful? All valid!!
That’s definitely a route I’m trying.
Tonight, Jeff was simultaneously the best and the worst. I’m a dum dum who decided to pour marinade on my pulled pork, thinking it was bbq sauce. He burst out laughing, “I’m Megan, and I don’t read the bottle,” meanwhile I’m staring at my plate in mourning. Once he realized I was bummed, he switched to reassurance mode “don’t worry, it’ll be good, I promise.” Then, as if to make good on his promise, he put the marinade on his own pulled pork sandwich, too.
Today on Facebook, the Guthrie Theater announced that they were giving away free tickets to go see Othello. I thought for sure it was an April Fool’s prank, (look at the date, after all!) but my co-worker scored a pair so I picked up the phone and called immediately. Let’s just say I’m going to go to a play tonight for free ;)
I don’t know if I’ll actually *like* the play or not, but you can’t argue with free, can you?