Yay! My Facebook friends are already aware, but it’s time to let my readership know that Baby Girl has arrived! The following is the story of labor, delivery, and the first few days at home with our little one.
Tag: story
MegsFitness on Nerd Fitness – Battle Logs!
I’ve blogged in the past about how much happier and more content I feel when I am following the core strengths of health and wellness – including eating well, sleeping well, exercising, and making time for personal goals. So, it stands to reason that now, more than ever, I need to get back into the patterns of healthy eating, getting enough (and higher quality) rest, exercising, and making time for personal goals.
This blog has become more of a personal journal for me, which will definitely incorporate health and wellness, but it’s always been about more than that. For me, it’s been about recognizing the fact that my journey — whether it’s to weight loss, muscle gain, social changes, or family life — is going to be completely different from someone else’s journey, even if we share many of the same characteristics. To that end, I still have every intention of maintaining this blog and getting back into writing about things that are fun, interesting, or relative to my personal narrative.
My day-to-day fitness narrative is going to be captured at Nerd Fitness. It’s a community of fitness-minded individuals and I really feel like that’s the sort of encouragement I could use at the moment. What that means for the MegsFitness blog is that I’ll be cross-posting my weekly summaries here, so that at least part of this journal can resonate with the “-Fitness” part of the name 😀
I’m ready to get back to good. I’m ready to lose weight, gain muscle, find my confidence, and conquer the world. If you’re interested in joining The Rebellion, my “battle log” is found here: http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/52946-amis-last-first-post/
[Begin Crosspost]:
Name: Aminarra, aka “MegsFitness”
Occupation: Corporate Fleet Management Resolution
Previous Fitness Experience: 2 years on SparkPeople, 3 years with Weight Loss Warriors, 3 attempts at Weight Watchers, 1 attempt at Herbalife; 4 years high school strength training, 1 obstacle 5k, 10+ regular 5k Races, greatest weight loss 42lbs.
Current Level of Fitness: Sedentary. It’s been 2 years since I’ve worked out consistently due to a severe back injury after the Warrior Dash.
“End Game” Goal: Working out 4+x/week, Settling at a healthy weight, ideally ~180, but more importantly having functional strength and physical health.
Short-term Goal: Begin working out 1-3x/week, at a beginner level to become re-acclimated to the fitness world. Begin reintegrating Paleo Lifestyle into eating plan
Plan of Action: Use Nerd Fitness to launch new fitness goals; integrate fitness guild with gamer guild for inspiration. Generate weekly goals in the areas of nutrition, exercise, and personal. Update status on goals at least weekly.
Outside of NF:
https://megsfitness.wordpress.com/
http://www.vexxgaming.com/
“Tell me you love me!”
I am pretty much on cloud nine at the moment. When I went to process the vehicle registration renewal for one of our vehicles, the DMV website gave me an error saying that registrations that are overdue cannot be processed online. Given that we had never even received a renewal notice nor had we received any information about the registration being past due, I decided that the website was full of it. Our vehicle had a ’14 sticker on it, and I was a week away from the due date when I tried to apply.
I got on the phone right away with the DMV… This is what I do for a living–I resolve weird issues related to the administration of vehicles, so I was in my zone. The woman at the DMV insisted that the vehicle hadn’t been registered since 2012 and that the tags were expired by almost a year. She requested that we pay $363.00 for last year’s renewal and an additional $309.00 for this year’s renewal. Now–we’ve been saving up for this year’s renewal, but there’s no way in the world I’m prepared to pay an EXTRA $363.00! I may or may not have deadpanned and declared to the agent “I’m not paying that. There’s no way in the world!”
I asked how to dispute it, and she asked that I verify the sticker number, so that they could work through it. Well–I had Jeff send me the photo, and lo and behold, the wrong sticker was on the vehicle. After the 6 digit sticker number is the vehicle license plate number and this one did not match our plate number. But I meant it when I told the DMV I’m not paying it… I called the dealer next and asked to speak with a title clerk. The thing is, we bought our vehicle last July and these tags expire this July–it should’ve been noted in the inspection or during the title and licensing of this vehicle that the registration was due. The great thing is, they were as wonderful to work with on this issue as they were when we were buying our vehicle. I’ll definitely recommend them for your car buying needs. I’m even going to write them a nice review on Yelp!
After researching it, the dealer determined that the previous owner of the vehicle put the wrong sticker on the vehicle and offered to send us to a check to cover the cost of last year’s renewal. Hallelujah!
It’s times like these when I am able to take a snarl of a mess and resolve it satisfactorily that I turn to Jeff and tell him “Now, tell me you love me,” with a smug grin on my face 😉
Feelings and Free Things
The (guided) physical therapy certainly didn’t last long, did it? Seems like I get a “first…” post and then it pitters off like it never existed. It’s like posting about it jinxes it. Jody called me on Friday to let me know that apparently policies had changed and she wouldn’t be able to handle my training any more. She said that she’s still open to talking with me about nutrition, though. She is someone who has recovered from disordered eating, so I think she has an interest in my patterns and potentially helping me with that too.
Lately, I’ve been feeling really off. During lunch last week, my work-friend asked how I was doing, and I said that I just didn’t feel like myself–and that was enough to make my eyes well up with tears. So then I’m apologizing and scrubbing at my face, and explaining I didn’t know where the emotion came from, and her eyes are welling up and she’s panicking “don’t cry! You’ll make me cry!”
So I talked to her a little about some of the things that have been stressing me out, and even though it was mighty embarrassing, I’m glad I did, because her reply was priceless.
Never apologize for the feelings that you have.
That was really helpful, and it prompted me to post on my weightloss group to see if anyone had any experience with disordered eating/coping. One of the girls, Christy, said this:
I think it’s really important to dig in and really confront your emotions with a compassionate heart and allow yourself to feel them completely, and know that it’s okay. It’s amazing how therapeutic it can be to have a loud, messy sob fest! The key is just allowing yourself, completely free of judgement, to feel everything. Even if part of you is saying you shouldn’t feel what you’re feeling, just tell that part to shut up because whatever you feel is legitimate. It doesn’t mean you have to let that feeling dictate your actions, but you need to let yourself feel it. Are you jealous? Pissed off? Lonely? Scared? Doubting? Self-pitiful? All valid!!
That’s definitely a route I’m trying.
Tonight, Jeff was simultaneously the best and the worst. I’m a dum dum who decided to pour marinade on my pulled pork, thinking it was bbq sauce. He burst out laughing, “I’m Megan, and I don’t read the bottle,” meanwhile I’m staring at my plate in mourning. Once he realized I was bummed, he switched to reassurance mode “don’t worry, it’ll be good, I promise.” Then, as if to make good on his promise, he put the marinade on his own pulled pork sandwich, too.
Today on Facebook, the Guthrie Theater announced that they were giving away free tickets to go see Othello. I thought for sure it was an April Fool’s prank, (look at the date, after all!) but my co-worker scored a pair so I picked up the phone and called immediately. Let’s just say I’m going to go to a play tonight for free 😉
I don’t know if I’ll actually *like* the play or not, but you can’t argue with free, can you?
Scarlet has Destroyed Lion’s Arch (GW2)
http://wiki.guildwars2.com/wiki/Scarlet_Briar
Scarlet Briar, born Ceara, is the sylvari responsible for much of the mayhem that has wracked Tyria for the last year. She has facilitated a number of unlikely alliances, such as the Molten Alliance of the Flame Legion and dredge, the Aetherblade pirates and the Inquest, and the Toxic Alliance of the Nightmare Court and krait. With the help of these seemingly disparate groups she has threatened the northern continent time and again, culminating with the building of a massive Tower of Nightmares in the middle of Viathan Lake. All her schemes so far have been seemingly foiled, but she is not deterred by setback and occasionally seems to revel in her defeat.
Her other actions throughout the year include the plotting of Theo Ashford’s assassination and Mai Trin’s subsequent attempt to ascend to the Captain’s Council; hijacking the humans’ Watchknights; and an attempt on the life of Queen Jennah. Scarlet was intentionally failed to prevent the accidental destruction of the Thaumanova Reactor, and took a strong interest in the discovery of magical ley lines criss-crossing the globe. She has also been seen using steam creatures and their technology, though the nature of her ties to them is currently unclear.
Recently, Scarlet seems to have begun preparation for her biggest attack yet. After the destruction of the Tower of Nightmares and the death of the Toxic Hybrid, Energy Probes have been placed throughout Tyria and the Mists themselves in search for something – the constant thudding of which have unintentionally attracted a great three-headed jungle wurm to the surface in Bloodtide Coast. In early 1327 AE, her Twisted Watchwork minions were recalled to Lornar’s Pass, where she proclaims to be testing her her most powerful weapon seen so far, though she detonates the weapon instead of utilizing it if powered up. Adventurers who have found their way into her secret lair have reported schematics for her Marionette, some huge drill (that appears to be the complete form of the device floating above Marionette’s Landing, and maps marking Vigil Keep, the Chantry of Secrets, the Durmand Priory, and Lion’s Arch. And on the ceiling of her lair, there is said to be a painting of a dragon.
A new patch advanced the live story in Guild Wars 2 today and man oh man… it’s rather upsetting! Good ‘ol Lion’s arch is in tatters, her people scattered. Heroes have been summoned from all over the realm to help rescue refugees and evacuate the city. So, if you need me… that’s where I’ll be.
I’m back!
I had a great time in the wild blue yonder (aka Canada). The Mister and I drove up there on Thursday and arrived just in time for pizza. We were greeted in the driveway by Auntie Janet… It was just too funny the way she was just sitting there so I rolled down the window, shouted a warning “Flattering photo time!” and snapped the pic:
The shame is that when we were just over 120 miles from our destination, we realized that we completely forgot all of the party decorations for the Canada reception. D’oh!
On Friday, we ran around spending time and money replacing the forgotten items and picking up the rest of the supplies. We were so spend-happy, in fact, that my bank got all uppity on my behalf and locked down my credit card right as we were checking out at the liquor store. Yeah, that $220 bill is just gonna have to wait until I call my bank and verify a list the length of my arm to prove that I am who I say I am.
“Can I tell you about our products and promotions that might help you?”
“No, I’d like to get back to buying the liquor for our WEDDING RECEPTION! kthx.”
The fun thing about having a 2nd party is that you can still be a bridezilla after the wedding 😉 Future brides make note. Hehe..
Friday was also the day that the tents, tables, chairs, and portable washrooms were delivered. Whee!! The shirtless dude seriously needs someone to show him how to swing a sledge, though. He was reducing all of the momentum just before he made contact with the spike–probably because he was afraid of hitting himself. Anyway, he did all the work with his own body instead of letting the hammer do the job. Silly kid. *shakes head*
Once the tent was up, we set to work doing all of the decorating. Omigosh, hahaha! Jeff and I had the hardest time getting the paper poofs and the lanterns to stay on the fishing line. He kept saying “This idea is good on paper..but..it’s just not working.” We must’ve used a quarter roll of tape trying to get the stupid things to stay put.
It eventually worked out, though.
The rest of the night, we hung out and just kept crossing our fingers that there wouldn’t be rain. Don’t rain, don’t rain, don’t rain… What we didn’t count on, though, was Mother Nature’s counter-offer: WIND! AUGH! We had finally gotten the decorations to stay put, but when we went out on Saturday, the wind had made shambles of our efforts, lol. We decided it just wasn’t meant to be “perfect” but that it would be good enough the way it was. No one would even know we didn’t mean for it to be the way it was =P Pssh.
It was a ton of fun to just hang out with extended family and friends from Jeff’s side of the family. We couldn’t have asked for a better day. I think one of the funnest details was the candy buffet that our friends Anne and Errol gifted to us:
It was Mario-Themed and everything!
We couldn’t believe it. The guests all loved it, too! If you’re in the Winnipeg area, I highly suggest that you check out http://www.landonssweets.com
On Sunday, we took a (much-needed) day of rest. I think I was still in and out of sleep until at least 3pm @_@;
Today we made the long trek home and we’re happy to be here 🙂
The first visit
TL:DR – went to counseling. It sucked. I’m going to find a better match.
So, I’m sitting here at the moment.. eating cereal with a fork because there are no more spoons.. trying to figure out what I have to do for the day. Dishes, obviously. I hate that when I get into a funk, there is a cascade of things that stop getting done–cleaning being one of the first. Next is cooking, working out, eating right, and then showering. This is probably a good thing, though, because when your hair is gross and you have nothing/no way to eat–you’re motivated to do something about it.
I don’t know why but cleaning up and seeing my accomplishments always makes me feel a lot better. One of the first things on my to-do list today includes blogging about the first steps. I’ve had a lot of positive feedback, and a lot of silence about my most previous post. My WordPress entries get shared to my facebook page (and all of the friends who choose to click the link) so a majority of my entries are superficial and at the very least entertaining (I hope?) So, for me to now be posting something so heavy is a little nerve wracking. Hopefully the friends who choose to read it will talk to me.
——–
One of the things that’s difficult about starting counseling is figuring out where to begin and what you want to talk about. On Monday, after work, I was asked to do just two more things and I was in tears over it. They were simple things. Easy things. But it was after a day of non-stop pressure to get everything done–missed breaks, looming deadlines, everyone needing everything right when they ask for it and drop anything else you’ve been asked to do because my need trumps their need. Is it understandable why I broke down into tears? Partially. But that also happens when I listen to sappy songs or see insurance commercials. Stress is stressful and like a judgy parrot in my ear my mom has always told me “you don’t handle stress well.” That kind of stressed me out.
Tuesday, I woke up and I was still just run down. A Kelly Clarkson song (Dark Side) came on the radio and I was a blubbering pile of mush. I went to work because I was supposed to meet with my manager about a deadline that I missed. I closed the door and tried to tell her in a level voice (which was probably hard to understand as I kept feeling overwhelmed) that I need to take the day off and I’m finally going to ask for help.
She was very supportive. She gave me the day off, canceled all of my meetings, told me to take as much time as I needed, but to make sure I clued Jeff into the situation and make sure that I’m not alone.
“I’m not in danger,” I replied, “you don’t have to worry about me.”
Apparently this sounds rehearsed and was not believed (really) by anyone who heard it. So, to make sure they weren’t fussing over me, and because I was going to tell him anyway, I called Jeff on my way back out to my car and told him I was not working that day and that I was finally going to ask for help.
When I got home, I had to have basically the same conversation with him that I had already had that morning with both my mom and my boss, and he was the third to react in much the same way “If you need the help, get the help. I’ll be here for you.” This was followed by my favorite kind of Jeff-hugs–the uber gentle yet strong ones that say he’ll hold me up if I can’t hold myself up.
I idled for a while, waiting for him to go to work and not quite realizing that he wasn’t going to leave.
My employer offers an Employee Assistance Program through ComPsych and so I just sucked it up and made the call while he was there. They did an availability search and signed me up to see the first person available. The next day.
“Hi, yeah, it’s Jeff. I’m not coming into the office today. My fiancee is having a bit of an emotional break down and I’d like to stay with her.”
Jeff and I just chilled out, napped, watched House and Dr. Who and Supernatural the rest of the day.
I worked from home for half the day following, and spent some time looking into this person they had referred me to..
Her website used a lot of fluff words. “I take a strength-based approach in counseling. We not only bring our problems to counseling, we also bring our problem solving and coping skills” I found myself judging this person, even though I had never met her and scoffed heartily at this statement. Coping skills?? COPING SKILLS?! I HAVE no COPING SKILLS! That’s why I’m going to come see you!
ahem
Still, though, the hardest part is always taking the first step. Even if she wasn’t the best fit for me, she was someone who was highly educated and presumably cared about helping people.
I found my way to a waiting room…nicely appointed, I suppose, if completely outdated. I sit anxiously and browse Pinterest on my phone until someone says my name.
I look up, say ‘Hello,’ and they disappear around a corner. I know their name and they know mine based on the 3rd party appointment, so I suppose no introductions are necessary. Assuming I am to follow this person, I find myself in an office with the same sort of outdated decor. She hands me paperwork, but all that I notice are the stains on her shirt and the ramen in the trash. There’s a dreamcatcher by the door.
They say that first impressions are the ones that get the most weight. No matter how hard you try to make up for it, a bad first impression isn’t going to get better. Still, though, I was there for help. She had handed me the paperwork to fill out and sent me out to the waiting room to get it done. After jotting down the above, I started looking through the pages and there was more fluff-talk and then some serious questions, which I answered to the best of my abilities. Jeff was written down as my fiance and emergency contact, stress was identified as the reason for my visit, etc.
I didn’t go on to elaborate that 1-2 hrs was during the work-week and that on weekends, I can play for 8+ hrs at a time. Nope. I wasn’t here for addiction counseling because it is a hobby, not an addiction. But, it was another point against her being a good fit for me.
When I returned to the room, she ruffled through the pages and thanked me for filling them out. Then she set them aside and asked what brought me to counseling. Stress. I briefly defined the stressors in my life (I listed off various items but summarized that I have felt overwhelmed in the past and just wanted the tools to deal with stress better).
I made the mistake of mentioning that starting BCP helped me to even out so that I wasn’t so extreme during that time of the month. Even though I emphasized that I was looking to develop some personal skills to handle stress and to dissipate it on my own, she latched on to meds like a bulldog with a bone. OOH! MEDS! MEDS ARE THE ANSWER! I’m off the hook! her face practically shouted. She mentioned that she thinks medication may help me and that she can’t prescribe it herself but that she can give me a referral for these really reliable folks she works with that are just right down the road. … 
I had been there less than 10 minutes and expressed quite clearly “I don’t think that’s the right option for me right now. I am looking for tools, not medication.” So then she went on about how previous patients have had success, and made it out so that everyone who gets on the pills are happy and fulfilled in their life. I asked if there’s any way to test to KNOW that I need medication and she said no, talked about the side-effects that could be experienced and said “You would have to take it for a few weeks before it reaches therapeutic levels and if you don’t see an improvement, they can always try the next type of medication for you.” I deadpanned and repeated that I don’t think it’s the right option for me right now. “Well, I’m not going to twist your arm and make you take medication, but I’m still going to give you this recommendation and you take it with you. Your primary care physician can make the referral, too, if you change your mind.” And her face made that “I’m awesome and just fixed your problems but you don’t know it yet” expression.
Medication isn’t going to take the stress out of work and its myriad of demands, college and its never-ending work-load, self-confidence issues partially impacted by a past relationship issue, sick cats, obligations to see family and friends even though I’m so busy all the time, lack of ability to lose weight even though I’ve been trying, financial woes, wedding planning, etc. I was trying to illustrate to her that I have a helluva lot going on at this time, but that I didn’t have very good ways to cope with it and I didn’t feel like I could stop doing what’s important to me — seeing friends/family, going to school, going to work, taking care of kitties, or wedding planning.
You know what she latched on to? My relationship. Even though half of the relationship was missing from the room. She wasn’t listening to me, and now had actively taken a stance against my significant other. And that FACE!! That “I’m right, but you just don’t know it yet” face..
I called an end to the session and declined to reschedule when she asked when next I’d be in.
Never, if I can help it.
————
The important thing here, though, is that it was not a waste of time. Making the phone call, getting a referral, asking for help, and then actually keeping the appointment when I felt a bit silly about it in retrospect–THOSE were the hardest things. Seeing this ill-fitted match is the worst that could have happened, but that just illustrates to me that it gets better.
The next step is to clarify what I want, what I need, what my goals are, and how someone else can help me to realize them. I’m going to have to call for another referral, but this time I’ll be clear in what I want vs. what I don’t, and I’ll screen their websites before I make an appointment. I may be giving up on that woman as a match, but this isn’t over, not by a long shot. I may be “feeling better” today than on Monday, but I’ve already stepped over the line–I’ve already declared that I need better tools to manage my stress and taken the step towards getting them. I’m not going to give up now just because my first attempt didn’t work.
MegsFitness 