“Women are like goats. It’s like . . . Well, reasoning with a woman is like sitting down to a friendly game of dice. Only the woman refuses to acknowledge the basic bloody rules of the game. A man, he’ll cheat you – but he’ll do it honestly. He’ll use loaded dice, so that you think you’re losing by chance. And if you aren’t clever enough to spot what he’s doing, then maybe he deserves to take your coin. And that’s that. A woman, though, she’ll sit down to that same game and she’ll smile, and act like she’s going to play. Only when it’s her turn to throw, she’ll toss a pair of her own dice that are blank on all six sides. Not a single pip showing. She’ll inspect the throw, then she’ll look up at you and say, ‘clearly I just won.’ Now, you’ll scratch your head and look at the dice. Then you’ll look up at her, then down at the dice again ‘But there aren’t any pips on these dice’ you’ll say.” ‘Yes there are,’ she’ll say. ‘And both dice rolled a one.’ ‘That’s exactly the number you need to win,’ you’ll say. ‘What a coincidence,’ she’ll reply, then begin to scoop up your coins. And you’ll sit there, trying to wrap your head ’bout what just happened. And you’ll realise something. A pair of ones isn’t the winning throw! Not when you threw a six on your turn. That means she needed a pair of twos instead! Excitedly you’ll explain what you’ve discovered. Only then do you know what she’ll do?”
“No idea, Mat.”
“Then she’ll reach over and rub the blank faces of her dice. And then, with a perfectly straight face, she’ll say, ‘I’m sorry. There was a spot of dirt on the dice. Clearly you’ll see they actually came up as twos!’ And she’ll believe it. She’ll bloody believe it!”
“Only that’s not the end of it!” “I had presumed it wouldn’t be Mat.” “She scoops up all of your coins. And then every other wonam in the room will come over and congratulate her on throwing that pair of twos! The more you complain, the more those bloody women will join in the argument. You’ll be outnumbered in a moment, and each of those women will explain to you how those dice clearly read twos, and how you really need to stop behaving like a child. Every single flaming one of them will see the twos! even the prudish woman who has hated your woman from birth – since your woman’s granny stole the other woman’s granny’s honeycake recipe when they were both maids – that woman will side against you.”
“They’re nefarious creatures indeed.”
“By the time they’re done, you’ll be left with no coin, several lists worth of errands to run and what clothing to wear and a splitting headache. You’ll sit there and stare at the table and begin to wonder, just maybe, if those dice didn’t read twos after all. If only to preserve what’s left of your sanity. That’s what it’s like to reason with a woman, I tell you.”
Wandering through the bookstore and stumbling across new and wonderful literary adventures is one of mine and Jeff’s favorite ways to spend time. More than a few times we have gone for a quick bite to eat and then spent two or more hours just perusing the shelves looking for a new book. When I was a girl, I used to dream of having a library like the one in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. Now that I know just how expensive books and shelves are… I think I’ll settle with a small, robust, private collection. Jeff and I were on one of our literary dates this evening and I picked up an old favorite – The Phantom Tollbooth. It’s a book aimed at sixth graders, but my niece is coming over this weekend and I thought it might be nice to start reading to her. She won’t appreciate it until she’s older, but perhaps she’ll enjoy the adventure.
Speaking of adventures… Let’s go back to last month when Jeff and I embarked on our adventure to Canada. Whilst there, we had the opportunity to attend a Wedding Social. Now, from what I gather, this is a Manitobian and maybe even more specifically a Winnipeg’er tradition.. According to the Manitoba Socials Guide:
A social is a particularly Manitoba-grown concept. It’s a fundraising party, often for a wedding, charitable or community organization. Usually held at a community centre or a Legion hall, it can be known as a “Manitoba Social”, “Winnipeg Social”, “Wedding Social”, “Fundraising Social”, or just simply a “Social”.
When it is run for a wedding it is traditionally run by the wedding party, although it is sometimes run by the bride and groom. A wedding social gives people a way to include friends and relatives in the wedding when you could not invite them, and allows friends and family to support the couple financially for their new life together.
It was a fun night of music, raffles, 50:50 drawings, and snacky foods. It was the first social that I had ever been to and I thought it was really cool. There were two things that stuck out to me about it – first, that “gay-marriage” (aka: marriage) is legal in Manitoba. I didn’t know that. People make such a big fuss about it here that it was refreshing to see that it was just another happy couple getting married and that their gender was not the highlight of the evening. The other exciting thing is that Michelle and Jen picked the same colors as Jeff and I, so, we got to see them “in action”
They served deli meats and cheeses, crackers and bread around 11pm and the party carried on into the night. There were a lot of people who Jeff got to reconnect with, and a few who didn’t recognize him since he’s changed so much in the past few years. We didn’t win any of the drawings, but that’s okay because we were able to contribute to our friend’s wedding and help out with just a little of the cost. It almost makes me wish that there were more of our friends and family local so that it would be worth throwing a fund-raiser such as this.
As it turns out, Olive Garden and the like only do fund-raising for non-profits. And we don’t qualify. Drat. I guess that means I will have to consider leveling up my crafting abilities and try my hand at raising money that way.