Perception as Reality

I am enrolled in a program through work called the Inbody230.  It is a 16 week program designed to promote weight management and a healthy lifestyle.  For my initial assessment in may, it was a caption of my body “as is.” A baseline to measure my progress against.  For the past year and a half, I had been working on my own to lose weight and get in shape and I had lost about 50 pounds, and regained 20, for a net loss of about 30 pounds.  Still, though, the results–the most accurate screening I’ve had to date–made me cry my eyes out.

Female, 24 years, 5’6″ | Dry Lean Mass: 32.2lbs, Body Fat Mass: 103.0lbs, Weight: 222.5lbs | BMI: 35.9 | Percentage of Body Fat (PBF): 46.3%

The weight was evenly distributed and I had a good proportion of lean mass in my limbs and in my torso–I wasn’t bottom or top heavy at the time.  On the other hand, I didn’t need to lose weight fat from one place, I needed to lose it from everywhere.  I was completely overwhelmed, and rather than giving me the motivation to continue my weight loss progress, it actually kind of kicked me into a negative spiral because “why bother, when my efforts aren’t paying off anyway?” 

I didn’t drop out of the program and I told myself that I was still trying, but when I went back for my 2nd assessment in July, the results were even worse…

Female, 25 years, 5’6″ | Dry Lean Mass: 31.8lbs, Body Fat Mass: 105.3lbs, Weight: 223.6lbs | BMI: 36.1 | Percentage of Body Fat (PBF): 47.1%

What happened to me?! Why did I rebel against… myself? If the first reading made me cry my eyes out, this reading just made me go quiet. It is a complete and direct illustration of the impact of my choices.  MY CHOICES, not anyone elses.  I am the only one responsible for the way that I spend my time and the things that I put into my mouth.  It’s easy to fall into a pattern of excuses, and I’m sure it’s not the last time that I’ll vote for chocolate over carrots and cuddles over muscles, but I really need to get out of the negative spiral and make sure that I’m choosing the carrots more often than the chocolate, and the muscles more often than the cuddles.  The next assessment is in about 1 month.  I’ve gotten “more active” than I was in my rebellion, but I’m not as active as I still need to be.  I think the key to changing my numbers is going to be incorporating more strength training and keeping the walking/running inclusive.

exercise illustrations
This is an illustration of the strength training that I did yesterday… 3 rounds, 15 sets per round, 30 minutes total.  I like my strength training to be short and sweet.  It was an upper-body work-out for the most part, which means I really need to challenge my lower body this weekend.  With any luck, infection and injury will stay at bay and I can take the next four weeks to really improve myself and see that reflected in the next scan.  I know I can do it.

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2 thoughts on “Perception as Reality

  1. you’re so good at drawing 😛

    Aww.. there’s this concept I learned when I took a therapy course during my psych degree. There’s a difference between lapse and relapse. A lapse is when you lose yourself and go down the wrong path. But you recognize that, pick yourself back up, and get back on track. A relapse is when you lose yourself and go down the wrong path, and you think eff it, and keep going down that wrong path since you’re on route anyway. Does that make sense? Everyday is a new day to start. I can see that you’ve made changes to your life! There’s good days and bad days. You have me rooting for you 🙂

  2. Pingback: I-i-i-i Work Out | And then there's me

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